Its almost 3 in the morning and what am i doing? reading paramore fan fiction. sad, i know but i cant help it. sometimes it just interesting enough to keep my face glued to the computer for a good few hours in the middle of the night. eh, everyone has some guilty plessures, i guess mine can be innocent fan fiction. (not anything like that weird fueled by ramen with hayley williams, william becket and gabe sporta *shudders*) i figured im gonna start writng here again, just about whatever. maybe someone will read it someday.
im not tired enough to sleep. *sigh*
i decided to look at somethings on pete wentz's wedding. i was trying to figure out if patrick was in the wedding. couldnt find anything on it though. but all of it made me realize he isnt the same guy anymore, maybe thats good for him, maybe not. i admit i miss the man everyone hates. thats what i had in common with him, thats what i loved about him. i kinda felt like he knew how i felt. i didnt obesse over him quite like everyone else, but i did love that about him. the tradgically misunderstood (not to mention good looking) poet with a veil of a rockstar but the crown hiding pessismist. meh. but then i had that realization i love patrick stump. hes amazing! that man inspires me to sing better and learn to be more down to earth, even with his undoutably genius knowledge of music. wouldnt hurt to have him produce your record. i know i wouldnt. id love a chance to work with him! just being in his presence and have him teach me, too amazing. and hes adorable. i just wanna hug him! haha also, love joe and andy. joe would be so fun just to jam with and chill with and andy would be fin to play sports with and see if he can get me to be a vegitarian. ive always wanted to but never could. idk what the point of any of this but im just going. you know, honest to blog. haha this is surprisingly long for me and for some reason, mainly about fall out boy.

but this will be the first of many different kinds of post so....

click it, read it, love it!

or dont, i dont care but hey! thanks for getting this far!

sing.

it starts with a flicker of memory
a little light on familar face
you can look back and remember
how much it shows today
when i lived it i never noticed
but now that its my past it only haunts me
i can see you,
and become more sick then i ever have before
it scares me that you effect me so much
its been years since i last saw you
but you make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up
i cant believe i thought you'd get better with time
its sad to say i'm glad your gone
and i dont want you to come back



i just wish i could get those few good times out of my head

okay

hold on me, dont let me go, im falling faster, under these street lights, cant stop to enjoy the life i once i had, let me go and im all alone but im far to gone to remember why im still here. tell me how we got this far. i know this isnt your issue and you can leave me behind, but love me as you do, hold me till i reach the bottom.

 My senses are dull,
i cant even see the life in front of me,
waiting is only for those who still hope,
and theres nothing that i want,
keep me in your mind 
and i'll keep you in my heart,
so when it all ends,
i wont feel a thing.

No longer can i stand the hateful stares,
the fake "how are you" 
topped off with that bitter smile,
If you only knew what you were really doing,
maybe you'd see.
i only know this place blinds you
and gives you another set of eyes.
eyes only fit to see what they want.
to send the guilt, hate and sorrow
into the souls of the ones you once loved,
turn around,
turn around,
before you lose it all,
all to the congregation,
of contradicting love. 

TThey say heart ache comes to those who have loved and lost
but what about those of us who never had it at all?
Our hearts still beat for that single chance to lost it all.
but our hearts break as watch from the side lines. 
its not a matter of the hype, 
but the matters of keeping all thats left.

  Feels like i'm already dead,
No hope
Faded dreams 
stuck in the world between
real life and heaven,
where does everything turn around?
I'm not what you think,
only what i say,
if only my words could be enough,



the proof is only what you want to believe.